just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
