I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
