Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
