His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she peed on how many people?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
