i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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