I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i need some magic done to my vagina
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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