I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
