The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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