Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
