tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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