i wish starbucks made bloody marys
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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