I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
