What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
