i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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