it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
