You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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