it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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