YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
