my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize