my phone needs a breathalizer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found your dick twin last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
