Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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