I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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