I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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