Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
