Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
