if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
