totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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