Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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