its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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