so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
