Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
honey bunches of taint.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
