Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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