I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
