he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
