wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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