i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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