I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Who died my cat blue again?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
