i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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