Your mouth is God's brothel.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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