She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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