Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The beer is more important than you right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
