this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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