I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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