do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
