I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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