Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
