So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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