Small penises have feelings too.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
