Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
