The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
