There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
