He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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