U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
