You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
