I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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