dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
