some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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