I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
