Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
