I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
