her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
