Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
