just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
