I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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