I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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