It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
