the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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