so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
