I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
