i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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