I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
