I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
