forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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