I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
