Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
