we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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