you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize