just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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