Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
