Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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