Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
