If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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