Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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