i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
