shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
