Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
