i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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