Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize