ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
