Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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